Thinking out loud...

O Blogging… its been a while.
Today was just one of those days when I did a lot of thinking. (PS – that’s one of my fave things about the U-Bahn [subway], you get lots of time to think.) Thinking’s fun… but sometimes I think too much… or on days like today, feel kinda trapped within my own head. Not really sure what I think, or why I’m thinking… (just thinking out loud here, sorry)... ;o) All that said, here’s my attempt to siphon a little bit off my brain.

Hope. Faith.
They are both so abstract, yet so essential to all that I am.
I’ve never considered myself an extremely hopeful or faith-driven person, but maybe that’s just because I never really knew what that meant.

Over the past few weeks I have talked to student after student who live with little to no faith or hope in anything but what’s in front of them… faith and hope found only in what can be done with their own hands and conceived of with their own minds.

I’m just not ok with that. I’m not ok with what’s in front of me. This can’t be all there is.
There has to be Truth. And perfection… otherwise, what’s the point? Some big, cosmic joke?
There is too much longing within me for this to be it.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” -Ecclesiastes 3:11

I need faith and hope because God has set eternity in my heart. I need faith and hope to cling to when everything around me pales in comparison to the utopia in my mind. I need faith and hope when no one can answer the questions that gnaw away at me.

A philosophy student at Humboldt told me I followed Jesus because I needed rules to follow. If he’d have let me have a word in edge-wise, I’d have told him I follow Jesus because I need answers, purpose, and meaning. I need Jesus because I cannot reach God on my own. I need Jesus because without Him, none of this makes sense.

This same student asked me before he left if I would despair if I didn’t have God. When I said “yes, I would,” he looked at me and said, “I would not.”
How tragic --- to only have this broken and ultimately, unsatisfying world. To ignore the unrelenting ache for eternity- the utter renewal and restoration of all that we are and all that we see.

I have been approached by this student on 3 different occasions at 3 different locations on campus. My pride tells me to be bothered and annoyed, but my heart is learning to be thankful for every chance I have to talk about things that matter… eternal things.

God is big enough to take care of the details and the things we don’t understand. He just simply asks us to start conversations.

Jesus, may I never be numbed to who You are and the tragedy of hopeless, faithless existence. Help me to never settle for what’s in front of me.